Just In Time

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8

It was a cold day in 2017. It was not a good day. Nay – month. I remember this day so well because it was actually my birthday. And I was sad. Had a hurt heart. And – for a myriad of reasons not related to the day – felt less than.

I remember finishing up my work day and walking up to the mailbox. There I found a padded envelope. With just my name on it.

Upon opening – I found a costume jeweled delicate bracelet and this framed scripture wrapped in colored tissue paper. 

I actually cried out loud. It was so kind. And so thoughtful. I felt the pain and pleasure at once of thankfulness that someone had remembered me. 

And God. 

Here is the interesting thing. These gifts were from a teenage girl who had come to know me through one of my sons.

I am certain it was Him that moved this young woman’s heart to love on me that day. We were not of the same faiths at all. But she and I frequently had many wide-open conversations on faith and other touch points. I have always appreciated her broad mind.

We had time to chat a lot in those days. She had a special needs brother. Was facing the challenges of getting into college. Was struggling with a few young woman questions. And I had just listened to her.

I didn’t even know she knew it was my birthday. As it turns out. She actually painted that scripture gift for me. 

To this day she could not even know the impact her “just in time” encouragement and kindness had on me then. And even years later.

I keep this framed piece next to my bed. I see it when I awake. When I go to sleep. And it reminds me daily of the kindness of a young girl’s heart.

But more so – the importance of listening and loving others. Even in our differences. 

That is the best gift we can give others. And – it changes lives.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13  

Amen and amen. 💕

Don’t Count Them Out

Isaiah 40:31
…but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Today I had a meltdown. 

Haven’t had one like this for months and months. And yet. I did. It started with a restless night of “sleep” (if what I did for most of the night could be called that). 

Then a hurryupandgetupbecauseyouraregoingtobelate morning. 

Because today I had another check up. A check point. A “let’s look and see if all that poison we put in your body last year actually worked…”

I have two of these appointments this week. And though I am thankful for the doctors. The insurance. The journey this far… well I am tense. And tired. 

I thought I was past THAT. The jaw clinching, heart pounding PTSD that attacks your mental space every time you have to go back to that cancer center. 

I HATE the sound of the rhythmic chemo drips. Beep. Beep. Beep. The staccato sound off when it’s finished. The smell of the place. The fact that it’s kept very cold in that building. The shuffling of people in pain. In fear. And even then – in a fight.

It’s a mixture of emotions. When you are part of the crowd you really don’t want to be. But the fact that you are – makes you so damn proud of these compatriots. Because they are fighting. And fighting. And fighting. The shake-your-fist-cancer-will-not-win attitudes that permeate the place.

God understands that attitude in us. He knew that life has a way of crushing – because His Son experienced it firsthand.

And so He created us ready for the knuckles-down wrestling matches. 

Just take a good look at your own endocrine system and you get that. 

So…I spent a few hours this morning with isotope stuff being dribbled into my veins. Drinking stuff that tastes not so awesome. And trying to convince myself to calm down. To trust God. To breathe in His peace. To allow Him to walk through this with me… again. And again. And again if need be.

I reason with myself – to what end would I have “beaten” cancer last year for it to bare its fangs again?

I know God has me in this. 

I know this. I KNOW this. But sometimes – I/we all need a reminder. So I hold on. 

The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.Nahum 1:7

After 30 mins inside a hollow tube with a machine looking at me “from eyes to thighs” as the technician shared – I am holding my breath. Holding on to my faith. Holding on to God’s promises.

That promise comes with a call of faith. I am to wait on Him. I can count on Him. And though I am so so mentally and emotionally weary – He has already prepared me in advance for what’s to come.

I am counting on good news. And that very soon. As time allows – that I will run and not be weary. 

I am heading back to my beloved mid-west mountains next month. As strength will allow I will climb as high as I can. And there meet God in His Nature. I will wait for the eagles. I already know they are there. And they will remind me…I can soar too.

I know this truth. Because I know The One who created me. Who knows my number of days. Who calls me by name. And has written my name on His hand. I know this – because He loves me and has not abandoned me – ever.

So my compatriots. No matter what. Keep fighting. Keep believing. Be ready to soar! No one is going to count us out.

Why? Because God’s children are already conquerors.

..In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

Amen and amen.💪🏽

Mother’s Day Tribute.

The Best Hardest Job

And then…I miss you

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones. Psalm 116:15

It’s been 9 months minus 10 days.

Most days I am okay. And then. And then. And then I am not.

I hear your voice in my own. Or I wave my hands to make a point and see yours. Or I smell your sweater on the back of my closet door. 

Then I miss you.

We’ve moved into a new house. It’s one to call our own. You haven’t been here. And yet. I feel your presence. 

Your hubby came to visit us last month. I was so glad he did. It was like bringing a piece of you to bless our new house.

We finished painting the family room last weekend. I think you would like the colour. It’s soft and happy and welcoming. You and I are together there – in a framed picture on the credenza- just cheesing it up at the beach. Looking “fabulous” daaaling. You always did.

That beach. Which was so near to the one where we were born. I remember those days we visited it. And just like in days of old – we “survived” a real hurricane through that visit.

Even so. There was something holy about those days together. Full circle. Full history. Full family. Whispers of the past. Promises for a future? I was so so so thankful to share it with you. I wanted it to be as much yours as it was mine.

I still go visit it. That’s the place I talk to you. I go down to the ocean to pray. Talking about those good ole’ days. Oh Lord show me the way. Down to the ocean to pray. 

And so…I wander home. And get back to reality.

Then I miss you again. 

I see you every time I come into the kitchen. That’s appropriate. Since you practically haunted your own kitchen day and night. What a mess you could make. What a feast of love you could produce. I open the spice cabinet. There you are again. Most of them you taught me how to use. Like medicine for food. 

This morning I sat outside on the lanai. You and I had coffee together. And I laughed at scrambling lizards running everywhere. As usual I went and checked on my Cyndi figs. The ones you gave me for my birthday. They are doing very fine. You would be so proud of them. They really struggled last summer. 

I wonder. 

Will I ever not miss you? Not reach to call you every time I go on my daily walks? Not want to send you some silly meme or political joke?

Someone once told me that we don’t die as long as someone is still loving us in their hearts. 

And if that’s the case – well sister mine – you are very much alive. Because you are SO loved by many hearts.

And you always will be. 💞

Worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth

Worshipping God in Spirit and in Truth